


Atelophobia

by archangelwithashotgun



Series: Tumblr Prompts [53]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Gabriel, Atelophobia, Caring Gabriel, Crying Sam, Emotionally Repressed, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Sam, Kissing, Loving Gabriel, M/M, One Word Prompts, Sabriel - Freeform, Sam Feels, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:12:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6950062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archangelwithashotgun/pseuds/archangelwithashotgun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Atelophobia (Greek): the fear of not being good enough or imperfection.</p>
<p>Sam is desperate to know why on earth Gabriel would be in love with someone like him. Gabriel is there to set him straight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Atelophobia

Sam huffed as he unclipped the magazine of his handgun, sliding the top off the gun to release the bullet in the chamber. It was nearing three in the morning, and he was cleaning his guns. Sam always found the task of ensuring his weapons were in good shape calming. The movements were repetitive and precise, and it worked well to give him a task to focus on whenever he needed a distraction.

And boy, did he need a distraction now.

Because it could not have been this simple, right?

There was no way that he was sitting here at his desk, cleaning out his guns at a godforsaken hour in the morning, while Gabriel – as in _Gabriel_ the _freaking Archangel of Heaven_ – was lying prone on Sam’s bed with his arms folded underneath the pillow he was snoring softly into, a thick blanket covering the bottom half of his bare body, oblivious to the turmoil raging inside Sam’s mind.

Sam shoved the cleaning rod inside the gun, cleaning it as harshly as he could without do more damage than actual cleaning. It was getting harder and harder to steer clear from his troubling speculations, especially once he noticed that he was getting close in finishing the gun in his hands, and it was the last weapon in his lineup that needed cleaning.

Sam bit his bottom lip, feeling himself delve deeper into his mind with every second that passed.

Because it just couldn’t be that simple. He could see himself falling for Gabriel. He had fallen for Gabriel, and fallen for him hard.

But he could not see Gabriel falling for Sam.

Why would he? What did Sam have to offer that could even compare to everything that Gabriel was and represented? Why would Gabriel love _Sam_ of all people?

“You’re thinking too hard.”

Sam flinched out of his spiraling thoughts at the sudden intrusion, but relaxed with a deep sigh, his stiff posture sagging slightly as Gabriel’s arms slid around his shoulders. Sam placed the gun and cleaning rod down on the desk while the archangel nuzzled his neck sleepily, soft lips pressing chastely against the side of his neck. Sam closed his heavy eyes and leaned into the pleasant contact.

“You reading my mind?” Sam asked, half-curious and half-dreading that the answer was yes.

But Gabriel merely shook his head. “Nah. But I can tell that you’re brooding. You okay?” Gabriel murmured, his words slightly muffled by Sam’s neck, and he continued to press comforting, close-lipped kisses to it.

Sam nodded by default, reaching up diagonally over his chest with his right hand to grasp Gabriel’s naked left shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

A puff of warm air blew across the crook of Sam’s shoulder as Gabriel scoffed, the angel’s arms tightening slightly around Sam, his chest pressing tight against Sam’s upper back. “You’re lying,” he accused gently. “You’re sitting in your underwear in the dead of morning, cleaning your guns.”

Sam sighed, his hand sliding off of Gabriel’s shoulder as the archangel removed his arms from around Sam. Gabriel walked around the chair as Sam swiveled in his seat to face him better, and the angel smiled as he placed his hands on Sam’s shoulders, carefully seating himself on Sam’s lap and straddling the hunter’s thighs.

“I know your tells by now, Samsquatch,” Gabriel muttered, moving in to press a short, languid kiss to Sam’s lips. Sam closed his eyes at the touch, his chest warming sweetly and the negative thoughts from earlier almost dissipating.

Almost.

“So,” Gabriel asked as he pulled away, watching Sam through half-lidded yet alert eyes. “What’s going through that pretty little head of yours?”

Sam paused, eyes flickering in between each of Gabriel’s own. The archangel remained firm, linking his fingers together behind Sam’s neck as he waited expectantly. Seeing no way out, Sam took in a deep breath, wincing as it trembled upon exhale. He ran his hands soothingly up and down Gabriel’s sides as he struggled on how to start.

“… Why do you love me?” Sam finally asked, his lips pressing together almost instantly after the last syllable flow past his lips.

If Gabriel looked alert before with his half-asleep expression, he was completely awake now. The archangel gave a minor startled jolt in Sam’s lap, mouth gaping at the unexpected question.

“Sammy, I… why are you asking me this?” Gabriel asked, his hands cupping around Sam’s neck a little tighter.

Though the pressure against his skin felt nice and reassuring, Sam was struck with the knowledge of the fact that Gabriel did not answer the question. He knew he was probably overanalyzing it, that Gabriel had just been taken aback by the question, but…

Sam swallowed, ducking his head to stare at Gabriel’s exposed abdomen. “I just… I’m gonna say a couple things, and I don’t want you to think that I’m delivering accusations or that I’m breaking up with you, okay? I’m not. But… I just wanna say a few things.” He licked at his lips at he finished, and lifted his head to meet Gabriel’s gaze again.

To Sam’s shock, Gabriel actually looked _scared_ now. His brows pinched upward, forehead wrinkled in worry, the corners of his mouth turned downward, and his eyes sparkling, Gabriel nodded slowly.

Sam tried his best to smile, stretching his lips as he wrapped his arms securely around Gabriel’s waist. He hoped it passed off as a smile. It felt more like hooks pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“I love you _so_ much,” Sam whispered, and a little bit of the fear inside Gabriel’s eyes ebbed away as the archangel smiled fondly at the hunter. “I _really_ do. I just… I don’t see why you love _me_.”

Gabriel blinked, the fear gone and confusion in its place. “Sam, I _do_ love you. Why are you—“

“I know you do, I just don’t understand _why_ ,” Sam emphasized, his smile faltering until it was just a thin line of doubt. “Gabriel, ever since the beginning, I’ve felt like I was different. I’ve felt like I was a freak. And ever since the beginning, I was meant for your brother; I was meant for the _Devil_. I’ve… I’ve drank demon blood, and I allowed it to corrupt me so bad that I saw my own brother as the enemy. I’m the Boy King, an _abomination_ , and… Just why would you want to waste your time with _me_ –?”

“Okay,” Gabriel cut in, and Sam froze at the whispered fury coiling around the edges of Gabriel’s voice. “I’m going to stop you… right there. Right before you can say any more things that are just going to serve in making me angrier. Understood?”

Sam shook underneath Gabriel and nodded in tiny, jerky motions of his head. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Good,” Gabriel murmured, the pads of his fingers digging firmly into the back of Sam’s neck. Not enough to hurt, but enough to maintain his attention. “Now… _how dare you_?”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Gabe—“

“Is that what you think this is for me? _Wasted time_?” Gabriel hissed, his furious eyes narrowing. “I’ve devoted so much of myself to you, Sam. Do you really, _honestly_ think I would do that for just anyone? If I’m choosing to _be_ here with you, to be by your side, to _love_ you… Why would I do any of those things, feel what I feel for you, if I didn’t want to? If I didn’t desire you as much as I do? If I didn’t _love_ you?”

Sam gave a quivering exhale, tilting his head to lean his chin onto Gabriel’s forearm.

“You are not wasted time, Sam,” Gabriel growled adamantly. “On the contrary, every moment I’ve spent with you is a moment I want to relive over and over again. I cherish all the time I spent with you above every other memory, and I adore being able to be there with you. You… are not wasted time.”

The battle against the overwhelming emotions inside of Sam had long since been lost, and tears slid unashamedly down Sam’s reddened cheeks, hot and fast.

“As for the rest,” Gabriel whispered, instantly softened at the sight of Sam’s tears; he unraveled one hand from Sam’s neck to gently wipe at Sam’s face with a conjured handkerchief. “It wasn’t fair. Dad left us without a manual, no clue as to how to proceed. The educated guess was the Apocalypse, and it wasn’t fair. You were set up from the beginning, Sam. Nothing that has happened to you has been your fault. It was a product of both Heaven and Hell manipulation, and it wasn’t your fault. Okay?”

Sam breathed out a sob, his Adam’s apple bobbing roughly as his throat wobbled and grew thick and sore.

“As for why I love you,” Gabriel continued, his face gradually glowing with pride and adoration and love. “Despite the fact that you endured all of that and were faced with obstacles that could drive almost any man to his knees, you kept _fighting_. And better yet, _you stayed good_. Do you know how incredible you are, Sam? You’ve faced death, deception, betrayal, manipulation, demon blood, _Lucifer himself actually possessing you_ , and you came out the other side. A bit rougher, a bit worn, but so, _so_ good.”

Gabriel was grinning wide now, his own eyes swimming with emotion and tears.

“I swear to you Sam Winchester, on everything pertained Holy, you should never ask me why I love you,” Gabriel whispered, pressing his lips to Sam’s forehead. “It’s _me_ who should be asking _you_ … But I already know you love me for my gorgeous bod and frisky personality, so no question there!”

Sam couldn’t help the true smile that split across his face at that moment, or the tear-stained laughter that burst forth from his throat. He laughed through his tears, his shoulders shaking, and he leaned forward to press his face into Gabriel’s neck to muffle his amusement.

Moments later, the laughter morphed into sobbing and Sam’s shoulders shook for a different reason; at the transition, Gabriel cradled him close and pressed his lips to Sam’s hair soothingly, whispering sweet nothings and proclamations of love in Sam’s ear.

But these tears were not mournful or desperate or angry. They were tears of breathtaking joy and of blissful awe at having the wonderful fortune and blessing of having someone like Gabriel become a permanent fixture in his life. He cried because though he may not have believed _everything_ Gabriel said tonight at the moment, he was beginning to. He knew that Gabriel truly loved him, and the archangel would remain by his side until he did. Beyond that, even.

In that time, he’d do his very best to convince Gabriel of the same thing.


End file.
